I recently enjoyed a trip to Las Vegas with a dear friend and on our way to drop me at the airport in ABQ, NM we stopped at Waffle House for an early breakfast. If you’re from the South, you know that Waffle House is far superior to IHOP in many ways. One of which is the new Waffle House work release program that provides women from the local prison or rehab facility with the opportunity to earn an honest living while serving up delicious waffles and hash browns. Most people don’t know about this program yet because it’s new and possibly made up. Anyway, here is the cast of characters on duty:
PJ “Cammo” McGuire
The scene: It’s 6:00am when we arrive and grab a booth. One-Shoe takes our order then begins mopping the floor. She’s only wearing one shoe for some reason.
PJ “Cammo” McGuire is wearing blue cammo long underwear under her uniform and a Waffle House trucker hat. She starts yelling at One-Shoe because the floors are dirty. She also begins sweeping behind the counter and complaining loudly about the mess. She does not care for One-Shoe or Momma.
Typhoid Mary is washing dishes by hand. Hands that likely carry plague or TB by the way she is coughing.
Enter Momma: Momma bursts through the kitchen door yelling, “What time is it?!” and looking at the broken clock on the wall. Her daughter, One-Shoe, laughs and tells Momma to get back in the kitchen. Perhaps Momma will find the missing shoe but first she has to put down the cash register drawer and cough into her hands (My friend didn’t see that and I didn’t tell her)
Hawkeye Jane sits at the other end of the counter eating and watching quietly as the entire scene unfolds. She doesn’t speak. She doesn’t have to.
Jane knows, as does my friend, that PJ “Cammo” McGuire is a ticking time bomb and as soon as we leave, One-Shoe and Momma are getting shanked in the ribs.
My friend paid with cash because she didn’t want anyone to touch her credit card and we left, casting nervous glances back at the door.
At the airport I said a warm goodbye to my friend and told her to stop by the hospital on her way home for a chest x-ray and maybe some Zepack.