My friend back home had surgery today and apparently she told everyone in the operating room that she loved them. It made me think about the surgeries I’ve had and the crazy things that came out of my mouth as I was slipping away. If you’ve never had major surgery you probably haven’t considered the effects of general anesthesia. Unlike Ambien, on which you can have real adventures, anesthesia acts like Wonder Woman’s Golden Lasso of Truth. You can’t walk, or sit up, or even struggle really. You can only talk. A lot. It’s why super important people like the president have security in the room in case they start to divulge our nation’s secrets. Okay, I don’t know if that’s true or not but people do say some crazy stuff.
When I had my first back surgery at age 13 I think I asked them ten times if I was going to die. That’s a great question for a doctor to have to answer as he’s wheeling a child into the operating room.
I think my second back surgery at age 17 was more lighthearted. I talked about the variety of food I was going to eat after this was all over.
Operation number three was in 1999 for my ear. I told them all about my lucrative career in animal dentistry, therefore this procedure would be minor in comparison. I’ve never been to veterinary school, or dental school, or medical school. I’m a computer nerd who once worked in a vet clinic. I may have cleaned the inside of your dog’s mouth but that’s the extent of my experience. All I know for sure is that animals have teeth. How this translated into, “animal dentistry is more extreme than human ear tampering” is beyond me.
That said, it’s share time. Have you had major surgery? Did you spill your deepest darkest secrets? Do tell!