raccoon story #3
This is the last one I promise. Next we’ll move on to snakes and rats.
Yes, this is the same guy from the other story but I needed him and I needed a river so, through the magic of Photoshop, here is our hero standing on the banks of the Pedernales River. Only this time picture him in a park ranger uniform, complete with hat. Actually never mind, that is a park ranger uniform.
I have a friend on Facebook that can corroborate this story in case I’m accused by CSI: Facebook of trolling Olin Mills for funny pictures to make up stories about. If I were going to do that I would have used this one.
In any case, back to the incident in question.
One day my friend Kathy and I acquired bikes (I can’t remember if we rented or borrowed them), we put them and the sweet dog in the truck and headed down to the river for a swim. I remember it was really hot that day because we lived in Texas and it was after 9:00am. We parked the truck in the lot and rode the bikes the half mile or so down to the water and cooled off until it was time for lunch. As we were walking up the trail toward where the bikes were stashed, we met a park ranger walking down toward the river with a shotgun. As I mentioned, we were in Texas so it wasn’t all that unusual but we decided to ask anyway. He told us there was a group of boys scouts swimming down there and they had spotted a big raccoon wandering around acting “funny”, and he was going to investigate in case is was rabid. Now I was a little nervous because we had just come from there and as we all know, 1. raccoons are nocturnal and 2. raccoons are disagreeable on a good day.
Kathy and I made it back to the truck and were watering the dog when we saw Ranger Rick walking back to his truck with his gun in one hand and a dead raccoon in the other. (see above)
Kathy asked him what happened because we never heard a shot and yet here he was with his quarry. He said (and I need for you to put on your best Texas accent in your mind and say this out loud),
“Well ma’am, I seen that group of boys and didn’t want to fire this gun so I had to hit him in the head with a rock.”
What did we learn?
Do not fuck with a Texas Park Ranger. He will not think twice about standing over you with a loaded gun while bludgeoning you with whatever he can find on the ground if he thinks it’ll git ‘er done.