i’ll just take the bus.

Because I don’t like to drive and I care about the environment, one of the reasons I wanted to move to a “real city” was for public transportation. Boston has one of the oldest, most established transit systems in the nation. 
Here are some tips for using the MBTA (Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority) on your next visit.

1. If you have a smart phone, get an app like SmartRide or OpenMBTA that has all the routes and schedules.  I saw one called Where’s My MBTA Bus?, which is perfect because who the fuck knows where your bus is.

2. Be sure to arrive at your bus stop a couple of minutes early.  I don’t know why, this just sounds like a good idea in theory, like “cleanliness is next to godliness.”

3. When you see your bus approaching, step into the street and wave your arms wildly so the driver will know to stop.  I know, you’re at a bus STOP but the driver may not think it’s for real unless you throw your body in front of a moving vehicle and even then, he might just keep going.  It happens all the freaking time.

4. While on the bus, do not look up from your phone/Kindle/iPad for any reason other than to push the Stop button when approaching your destination.

5. When you push the Stop button, do not expect the driver to actually stop.  He will stop when he deems it appropriate.  Do not question the driver’s decision about when or where he stops, just get off at the next opportunity.

6. Do not complain to your driver about anything ever.

7. Try really hard to sit in the aisle so a crazy person doesn’t sit between you and the door.  I see this happen all the time and the crazy person doesn’t give a shit that you have to get off.  They really want to talk to you about JFK and all the insider info they have.

8. If you get on and are .40 shy of the fare and you find yourself in a stare down with the driver, saying things like, “Are you kidding me?” don’t help and will only get you kicked off the bus. Yes, this happened to me.

9. Get your ass up for old and / or disabled people.

10. Say please and thank you to your driver!

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The devil is in the details.

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