I don’t have pink eye…probably

I woke up yesterday morning with my left eye practically swollen shut and these horribly painful little bumps on my eyelid.  The swelling went down but it still hurt like crazy if I rubbed it, which I do because my eyes itch all the time from the pollen and all.
Today I woke up and the swelling was actually worse than the day before.  It went down during the day but the bumps are still there and it still hurts.
I’m worried that it’s pink eye or herpes or malaria or something, so my wife, in her comforting way says, “It’s probably just a bug bite or a spider.”
If you know me, you know that I immediately thought, “OMG there was a fucking bug on my face in my bed WHILE I WAS SLEEPING.”
This is WAY worse than pink eye or herpes or malaria, and now I will never sleep again, unless I can get some sort of protective eye-wear or something.
So that’s how it’s going to be from now on.  My beautiful wife will sleep next to me like a baby while I lie there awake night after night in a bee keeper suit, waiting for insects to lay eggs in my ear.


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