JK. We’re not swingers but we watched a show about it and it freaked me out so I’m writing it down.
Last night my wife and I sat down to watch DVR recordings of Lisa Ling’s Our America. She’s a journalist who travels around our freakshow country to find interesting people with interesting stories to tell. Her focus leans more toward the dark side or the taboo or, things that make Robyn curl up in a ball on the sofa hiding her eyes like….Swingers! They call it “the lifestyle” and I kind of wanted to die a little. You have to understand, I’m not judging them at all. Hey, if that works for you and your marriage it’s none of my beeswax. It’s just that when I watch those shows I try to picture myself in whatever situation they are in and holy crap, NO. The mere thought of more than two people naked in a room together (unless there’s a hot tub. and it’s dark.) makes my shoulders tense up so much that my neck disappears.
Just come with with me for a moment. Picture yourself and your “other” at a party where the hosts have purchased new sheets for all the beds, there are tubes of lube in little baskets around the house like party favors, and the beds all have waterproof pads. What is that for?! Now picture the two of you naked in the same room with like ten other people. I’m going to stop here because my shoulders hurt and you get the idea.
Here’s my final thought and theory about the whole thing. The number one reason that men are into this is so they can watch live girl on girl action. Gross.
This was confirmed when they said the most consistent rule with all the couples featured was “No men with other men.”
That’s all. I’m going to shower now. Alone. In the dark.
Oh, and we still can’t open the front door so will someone please send us some food? Rebecca is craving Popeye’s fried chicken and we’re out of gin.